Mark Shrayber's posts - French uPOST

This Mother's Day, I'm Learning To Get Free Of My Mom This Mother's Day, I'm Learning To Get Free Of My Mom

The last time my mother and I had an actual conversation was on Mother’s Day 2014, when she told me that I shouldn’t have bothered calling her. Switching between Russian and heavily accented English, she said it was insulting for me to wish her well on this holiday when I hadn’t done anything to make her a happy…

Goodbye, Jezebel, and Thanks for Letting Me Be a Part of Your World Goodbye, Jezebel, and Thanks for Letting Me Be a Part of Your World

If you are reading this, I am high. Very, very high. I’m on two Xanax, one Norco, and a handful of ibuprofen I took just for taste. Today, I take this combination because my retina detached and I needed emergency surgery. One Saturday two years ago, I took it after my audition day on this website.

Thanksgiving Social: Show Us Your Prettiest Plates Thanksgiving Social: Show Us Your Prettiest Plates

With Thanksgiving soon drawing to a close, you may be wondering what to do with all those pictures you took of your dinner. Now that you’ve got your five Instagram likes, won’t you share the food porn with us, too?

No, You Can't Lose Weight By Farting, You Lazy Monster No, You Can't Lose Weight By Farting, You Lazy Monster

Let’s be real: everyone loves to fart and hates to exercise. That’s why so many of us were excited by the recent news that farting could potentially make you lose weight! “I fart all day,” we all thought, “I could be a size two by Christmas.” Too bad it was all a beautiful shit-smelling lie.

This Exhausted Meerkat Tumbling Off a Rock Is All Of Us Right Now

Happy Thanksgiving! Is this or is this not an accurate depiction of exactly what you look like right now, filled up on turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce from a can? It’s okay! Just know that this meerkat totally, totally gets you.

Happy Thanksgiving: This Woman Just Ate the Bread She Made From Her Yeast Infection Happy Thanksgiving: This Woman Just Ate the Bread She Made From Her Yeast Infection

Earlier this week, a brave woman made headlines when she took her vagina into her own hands and decided to see if she could make bread out of the yeast she found within. Good news: she could! Better news: she just ate it!

Tell Us Your Thanksgiving Horror Stories Tell Us Your Thanksgiving Horror Stories

Welcome, friends, to another round of Thanksgiving terror. Right now, you’re probably about to make some awful memories, so why not share them with us, your loving internet family, so that we can all laugh and cry together?

Donald Trump Has Moved On From Targeting Muslims to Making Fun of the Disabled Donald Trump Has Moved On From Targeting Muslims to Making Fun of the Disabled

All glory to Donald Trump, a man whose lack of self-awareness and repugnant attitude don’t take a break even during the holiday season. No one knows what the presidential contender’s got in store for Christmas, but for Thanksgiving he’s making fun of disabled people.

Behold the Most Disgusting Thanksgiving Delicacy Ever Behold the Most Disgusting Thanksgiving Delicacy Ever

People have strange traditions when it comes to Thanksgiving. As someone who does not celebrate—and it’s Boston Market all the way when I do—I’ve always found the cranberry sauce out of a can thing kind of weird. But not as weird as Jello with mayonnaise, which is, apparently a real thing.

Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik are Probably Totally Doing It Right Now Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik are Probably Totally Doing It Right Now

Hot new couple alert: Former One Directioner (and possible member of Isis, according to The Huffington Post) Zayn Malik and model Gigi Hadid were seen canoodling at a trendy restaurant on Tuesday night. Are they together? Mysterious sources say yes!

Wednesday Night Social: It's Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown!

Just imagine: by this time tomorrow you’ll either be stuffing your face with delicious turkey or (like me) a delivery pizza with at least three toppings on it. Either way, you’ll probably be too tired to watch the Charlie Brown thanksgiving special, so why not take a few minutes to enjoy it now and then spend the…

Artist Leaks Her Own Nudes So No One Can Do It For Her Artist Leaks Her Own Nudes So No One Can Do It For Her

Molly Soda is an acclaimed artist (and Tumblr icon) whose earlier work includes critiques of “natural makeup” and the culture of selfies. Her most recent project, however, is quite a departure. It’s a zine in which Soda, who admits she overshares online, leaks her own nudes and embarrassing text messages. Why? Because…

This Year's Hottest Toy Is Bunchems, a Hair-Ruining Nightmare 'From the Darkest Depths of Hell'

Christmas is only a month away, so don’t forget to stock up on this year’s hottest toys: They’re squishy balls that look vaguely like herpes sores named Bunchems, and their primary claim to fame is that they’ll get stuck in your kids’ hair forever.

My Dad Wrote a Porno Is the Thanksgiving Conversation Topic You've Been Waiting For

If your family Thanksgiving dinner fills you with dread and your relatives don’t like Adele enough to turn off their racist ranting to sing along to “Hello,” there’s a new and exciting thing to discuss with them over your Butterball—a podcast entitled My Dad Wrote a Porno, which is, as you might have guessed, about a…

Sherri Shepherd Must Keep Paying Child Support for Baby She Says She Never Wanted Sherri Shepherd Must Keep Paying Child Support for Baby She Says She Never Wanted

Sherri Shepherd’s baby saga continues. The actress, who’s been trying to get out of paying child support for a baby she had by surrogate, has been ordered to keep making payments—despite her continued claim that the baby was a way for her ex to commit fraud against her.

Man Named Phuc Dat Bich Will Probably Get to Keep His Facebook Account After All Man Named Phuc Dat Bich Will Probably Get to Keep His Facebook Account After All

Last week, an Australian man went viral after his passport photo—bearing his name, Phuc Dat Bich—made the rounds of the internet. The reason his name garnered so much attention? Facebook thought it was fake and shut his account down over and over. Now, Bich is thanking his supporters for recognizing that naming…

Canadian Firm That Posted a Sexist LinkedIn Ad About Reception Duties Has Found Their Gal Canadian Firm That Posted a Sexist LinkedIn Ad About Reception Duties Has Found Their Gal

In this current economy, more and more businesses are asking their workers to do two jobs for the price of one. Such seems to be the case of a Canadian firm looking for a content writer/sometime receptionist. It would help if the person was female, of course, because real men don’t do reception.

Miss Piggy's Version of Adele's 'Hello' Video Is a Terrific Mess

You likely already know that Kermit and Miss Piggy are no longer together, and that Kermit’s got a new flame—another pig, who looks like a cross between Lana del Rey and Margaery Tyrell. That’s gotta hurt.

Here's Ariana Grande Doing an Impression of Her 90-Year-Old Nana After Winning an AMA Here's Ariana Grande Doing an Impression of Her 90-Year-Old Nana After Winning an AMA

Rumored actual baby and notorious donut-licker Ariana Grande won an award at the American Music Awards Sunday night—and the win really goes to her grandma, who told Grande that she voted on the computer so that her granddaughter would win.

Dear Rihanna, This Singing French Bulldog Is Coming For Your Job

This is Junior. Junior is a French bulldog. Junior likes to ride in cars and sing ‘Diamonds’ with some dude who’s obviously in his 30s but still knows how to live life despite death’s slow approach. Junior is just as good at singing as Rihanna is. Please press play if you don’t believe me.

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