Albert Burneko's posts - French uPOST

A Brief Blog About Putting Lunch On Your Head

Here’s Miami Marlins first base coach Perry Hill, wearing a soggy leaf of lettuce under his batting helmet to stay cool during yesterday’s sweltering afternoon game against the Atlanta Braves:

Albert's 24-Hour Product Diary: Lifestyles Of A Feral Blog Dumbass Albert's 24-Hour Product Diary: Lifestyles Of A Feral Blog Dumbass

Hi, I’m Albert, I write for Deadspin. Here’s me, in more ways than one:

Jerod Mayo's Missing Dog Found Dead In Dog Trainer's Closet Jerod Mayo's Missing Dog Found Dead In Dog Trainer's Closet

Knox, the pet English bulldog of former New England Patriots linebacker Jerod Mayo, went missing back in June, while in the custody of his trainer. On Sunday, the Rhode Island SPCA found the dog’s dead body, in the trainer’s house, where she’d been hiding it.

Let The Escaped Animals Just Be Wild Animals Let The Escaped Animals Just Be Wild Animals

The law should be: Once an escaped non-pet animal has been on the loose long enough for the local news to show up and get it on video, it has claimed its freedom and gets to be a wild animal after that. You may transport it to its natural habitat if you want to and are able to do it safely and humanely—solely on the…

Adam Jones Wouldn't Let The Orioles Trade Him, Is Awesome Adam Jones Wouldn't Let The Orioles Trade Him, Is Awesome

It’s no secret that the Baltimore Orioles are, uh, resetting. Over the past month they’ve had the big Manny Machado deal, and yesterday the team traded three more veterans: Jonathan Schoop, Darren O’Day, and Kevin Gausman. It might have been four, but Adam Jones, the longtime face of the club, decided he’d rather stay…

Has the most useless blog of the week already been published? It’ll be tough to top this bit from the Ringer’s Movie Knower, the thesis of which seems to be “Some movies are sequels to other movies.”

Looney Tunes Characters, Ranked Looney Tunes Characters, Ranked

Who would do this? And why? Drew Magary would, was the thing, and was gonna, and I’d rather die than let his rankings speak for the site and wind up with history recording that the place where I work said “R&B/Soul” was the second-best Looney Tunes character of all time. So we turned it into a scientific-y group…

Actually John Wall Looks Great Actually John Wall Looks Great

As you may have heard, all of NBA media, and indeed pretty much all of the western world, came together yesterday to deride Washington Wizards all-star guard John Wall for, uh, proudly refusing to conform to our culture’s rigid expectations of what a successful professional male athlete must look like. Which is to say…

How Is This Shit Legal How Is This Shit Legal

This past spring, Michael Ferro resigned as chairman of publicly traded media-looting hell-company Tronc, Inc., just ahead of the publication of sexual harassment allegations against him. As a parting gift, Tronc paid him $15 million, voluntarily bundling up the total value of a three-year consulting contract into one…

An Extremely Informed And Credible Analysis Of The Kawhi Leonard-DeMar DeRozan Trade An Extremely Informed And Credible Analysis Of The Kawhi Leonard-DeMar DeRozan Trade

So if you haven’t seen by now, the San Antonio Spurs traded disgruntled and vaguely hobbled star swingman Kawhi Leonard to the Toronto Raptors this morning, in exchange for not-previously-disgruntled-but-now-extremely-upset star swingman DeMar DeRozan. It’s hard to know exactly what to make of the trade, which is…

A Very Depressing NBA Trade A Very Depressing NBA Trade

The Sacramento Kings selected Ben McLemore out of the University of Kansas with the seventh overall pick in the 2013 draft. It was a surprise he’d fallen that far, and the Kings were very glad to have him. “Ben McLemore was our dream choice from the get-go,” owner Vivek Ranadivé said after the draft. “I did say that…

Dead Letters: "A Lot Of People 'Hump' The Flag" Dead Letters: "A Lot Of People 'Hump' The Flag"

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite reader mail. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors and writers are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Lakers GM: We'll Beat The Warriors Because Dennis Rodman Was A Jackass, Or Something Lakers GM: We'll Beat The Warriors Because Dennis Rodman Was A Jackass, Or Something

Overall, being the general manager of the Los Angeles Lakers seems pretty sweet. Even apart from, like, getting to be a very rich person in a sunny and gorgeous town with great food and sweet beaches, it’s a good job: At any given time something like half the NBA’s best players seem like they’re either actively…

This Is Wack This Is Wack

Maybe your first thought was of the insanely overpowered Boogie-Draymond-Durant-Klay-Steph lineup the Golden State Warriors now can assemble, and of what never-before-seen levels of basketball excellence that group could unlock together. Mine was. But neither of us will ever see that.

New Yorker Film Critic Has Reservations About Children's Movie Because His Boner Kept Blocking The Screen New Yorker Film Critic Has Reservations About Children's Movie Because His Boner Kept Blocking The Screen

Have you seen Incredibles 2? If you liked 2004's The Incredibles, about a family of superheroes in a sort of midcentury-modern-flavored alternate universe America, you’ll likely enjoy its sequel very much. As you might expect from any big-budget sequel it’s a little less fresh than the original and bloated in ways…

A Good Plant: Ilex Opaca, The American Holly A Good Plant: Ilex Opaca, The American Holly

It has been a rough year for my five little holly trees, transplanted last spring from a nursery to the muddy, weedy slope of the western edge of my home property, along the stupidly long driveway.

Listen, It's The Offseason Now So We're Going To Talk About This Dumb Basketball Idea Listen, It's The Offseason Now So We're Going To Talk About This Dumb Basketball Idea

A galaxy-brained NBA Reddit user posed a reasonable question this morning: Why can’t four Golden State Warriors link arms in a circle around Steph Curry, so that no defenders can get near him to contest his shot?

The Cavs Made The Right Adjustment The Cavs Made The Right Adjustment

It was the third quarter, and the Warriors, already ahead on the scoreboard and up 3-0 in the series, were doing their third-quarter thing. That is to say, they’d decided to apply the 12 minutes of focused full-bore effort it takes to render them effectively invincible. A game they’d led steadily pretty much from the…

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