Fast Food's posts - French uPOST

Don't Eat McMuffins After 3 P.M. Don't Eat McMuffins After 3 P.M.

The Sausage & Egg McMuffin is the best thing that God has invented so far, and eating one is better than having an orgasm, even one when you’re fully clothed. But it turns out, those little ecstasy pucks are a tall order when they’re served in the afternoon.

Chipotle Sued for Concealing 'Faulty' Quality Controls From Investors Chipotle Sued for Concealing 'Faulty' Quality Controls From Investors

Uh oh. It seems our our blessed Church of Chipotle has gone astray and lost itself in the mire of legal entanglements. On January 8 the company was issued a lawsuit for apparently concealing “flawed quality controls to investors.”

Chick-fil-A Will Give 100 Humiliated New Yorkers Free Food for a Year Chick-fil-A Will Give 100 Humiliated New Yorkers Free Food for a Year

Chick-fil-A, the homophobic purveyor of chicken sandwiches, is opening its first location in New York City at the glamorous corner of W. 38th Street and 6th Avenue. In honor of the occasion, the chain is giving 100 adults free food for one whole year.

There Was a Secret Meth Operation Underway At a Taco Bell There Was a Secret Meth Operation Underway At a Taco Bell

A poor, innocent Taco Bell restaurant was found to be doubling as a meth lab in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Two men, who were apparently acting out a scene Breaking Bad, were arrested and charged with conspiracy to manufacture methamphetamine. First the In-N-Out meth milkshake and now this?

​Wendy's Employee Is the Sassiest Drive-Thru Operator in New Jersey ​Wendy's Employee Is the Sassiest Drive-Thru Operator in New Jersey

This is the sound of a delightful, hard-working employee who just doesn't give a fuck.

Haters, Gather 'Round: Let's All Hate On the New McDonald's Tagline Haters, Gather 'Round: Let's All Hate On the New McDonald's Tagline

McDonalds is in a bit of a pickle. It seems that people aren't trying to get their Big Mac on quite like they used to. Profits are declining while Americans stuff themselves with Chipotle burritos. What is the largest hamburger fast food chain on Earth to do? They could focus on improving their product or perhaps…

Nobody's Eating Breakfast at Home Anymore Nobody's Eating Breakfast at Home Anymore

Stop buying breakfast tables because they're nothing more than a giant junk-mail bucket because nobody ever eats breakfast anymore because the 1960s are over. Sadly, our good friend cereal is a casualty.

I Tried the Subway Flatizza. It Was Everything You'd Expect and More. I Tried the Subway Flatizza. It Was Everything You'd Expect and More.

Due to overwhelming demand (and my own natural curiosity) I finally broke down and tried a product that's made a lot of headlines lately—Subway's new pizza concoction, the "Flatizza."

Ronald McDonald Gets a Normcore Makeover Ronald McDonald Gets a Normcore Makeover

America's favorite wage-thieving nightmare clown is getting a sartorial makeover, abandoning his traditional avant-garde drop crotch onesie for something decidedly more pedestrian (actual capris).

New Ads Stress That Thick, Juicy Burgers Are Definitely Not for Ladies New Ads Stress That Thick, Juicy Burgers Are Definitely Not for Ladies

One of them, unsurprisingly, is via Carl's Jr.—the Western X-tra Bacon Thickburger. The point is shoved home via a fake Mystique morphing into a beefy dude before she takes a bite.

Florida McDonald's Taking Reservations for Valentine's Day Dinner Florida McDonald's Taking Reservations for Valentine's Day Dinner

Happy Valentine's Day! Scrambling to make last-minute plans because you forgot it was Valentine's Day until you read the first line of this article? No worries; McDonald's has you covered (if you're in Florida, that is).

People Petition McDonald’s to Ruin Vegetables Just Like It Ruined Beef People Petition McDonald’s to Ruin Vegetables Just Like It Ruined Beef

Vegetarians all over these United States have turned out by the metaphorical wagonload to take a stand and sign a petition that could radically change the way Americans consume food: McDonald's should add a "meatless protein-centric option" to its menu.

Idjits Support Bearded Reality TV Homophobe With 'Chick Phil A' Day Idjits Support Bearded Reality TV Homophobe With 'Chick Phil A' Day

Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson recently found himself suspended from filming the massively popular reality show for saying shitty things about gay people in an interview with GQ (and, uh, a lot of other times, turns out). Now, the mouth-breathing dinosaur-minded morons who support him are staging a protest at Chick…

RIP Mighty Wings:  A Look Back at the Greatest Fast Food Failures RIP Mighty Wings: A Look Back at the Greatest Fast Food Failures

Tragedy. McDonald's is stuck with 10 million pounds of delicious, weird, kind of chemically-tasting "Mighty Wings" after yet-another of the fast food giant's attempt to expand from burgers, things that sort of look like burgers and fries totally failed.

The President of Cinnabon Is an Unapologetic ‘Gut Bomb’ Purveyor The President of Cinnabon Is an Unapologetic ‘Gut Bomb’ Purveyor

Real talk: Cinnabon, that foodcourt-born purveyor of tire-sized cinnamon rolls drizzled with semen milked piping hot from the royal penis of King Kandy himself, tried and failed recently to make its Classic Roll less of a pancreatic catastrophe. Even people who really didn’t go all-in for the 880-calorie baked…

McDonald's to Offer Hip and Trendy Side Salads With Value Meals McDonald's to Offer Hip and Trendy Side Salads With Value Meals

In an effort to suit "contemporary tastes," McDonald's has announced that it's adding fruits and vegetables to its menu, which customers can choose in lieu of fries when ordering a value meal.

Apparently People Are Exchanging Sex for McDonald's? Apparently People Are Exchanging Sex for McDonald's?

Giving new meaning to the Happy Meal (HAR), a 58-year-old New Mexico man was arrested last week after he paid a sex worker in food from McDonalds. Sorry, all I can think of is Wendy on Breaking Bad.

Fast Food Makes Up 11% of Our Total Calories as a Nation Fast Food Makes Up 11% of Our Total Calories as a Nation

Gooooooooo America! Some countries might be all, "Pooh pooh, I dew nut allow my cheezbeurgueur quotient to rise abeuve 5% beceuze I am tew beezay eating verrrry small miniateure cheeckens and plump oleeves straight frem de vine!" (That's my "other country" accent. I'm really good at it.) But America is like, "Oh,…

Chick-fil-A Owners to Stop Funding Anti-Gay Groups, Will Still Be Keeping All That Bigot Protest Cash Chick-fil-A Owners to Stop Funding Anti-Gay Groups, Will Still Be Keeping All That Bigot Protest Cash

Today, Chick-fil-A's famously homophobic owners released a statement announcing that the fast food chain would no longer be donating money to anti-gay groups. Victory, right? We totally win, right?! Not really. Regardless of whether the Chick-fil-A brass are contributing to a camp that uses Jesus to turn homos into…

More Fast Food's posts »

Language