When I think of Subway, my fast food restaurant of choice, here’s what I imagine: Yoga mat bread, Jared Fogle, and the incredible five-dollar footlong deal. Only one of these things is good.
The Sausage & Egg McMuffin is the best thing that God has invented so far, and eating one is better than having an orgasm, even one when you’re fully clothed. But it turns out, those little ecstasy pucks are a tall order when they’re served in the afternoon.
Uh oh. It seems our our blessed Church of Chipotle has gone astray and lost itself in the mire of legal entanglements. On January 8 the company was issued a lawsuit for apparently concealing “flawed quality controls to investors.”
Chick-fil-A, the homophobic purveyor of chicken sandwiches, is opening its first location in New York City at the glamorous corner of W. 38th Street and 6th Avenue. In honor of the occasion, the chain is giving 100 adults free food for one whole year.
A poor, innocent Taco Bell restaurant was found to be doubling as a meth lab in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Two men, who were apparently acting out a scene Breaking Bad, were arrested and charged with conspiracy to manufacture methamphetamine. First the In-N-Out meth milkshake and now this?
This is the sound of a delightful, hard-working employee who just doesn't give a fuck.
McDonalds is in a bit of a pickle. It seems that people aren't trying to get their Big Mac on quite like they used to. Profits are declining while Americans stuff themselves with Chipotle burritos. What is the largest hamburger fast food chain on Earth to do? They could focus on improving their product or perhaps…
Stop buying breakfast tables because they're nothing more than a giant junk-mail bucket because nobody ever eats breakfast anymore because the 1960s are over. Sadly, our good friend cereal is a casualty.
Due to overwhelming demand (and my own natural curiosity) I finally broke down and tried a product that's made a lot of headlines lately—Subway's new pizza concoction, the "Flatizza."
America's favorite wage-thieving nightmare clown is getting a sartorial makeover, abandoning his traditional avant-garde drop crotch onesie for something decidedly more pedestrian (actual capris).
One of them, unsurprisingly, is via Carl's Jr.—the Western X-tra Bacon Thickburger. The point is shoved home via a fake Mystique morphing into a beefy dude before she takes a bite.
Happy Valentine's Day! Scrambling to make last-minute plans because you forgot it was Valentine's Day until you read the first line of this article? No worries; McDonald's has you covered (if you're in Florida, that is).
Vegetarians all over these United States have turned out by the metaphorical wagonload to take a stand and sign a petition that could radically change the way Americans consume food: McDonald's should add a "meatless protein-centric option" to its menu.
Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson recently found himself suspended from filming the massively popular reality show for saying shitty things about gay people in an interview with GQ (and, uh, a lot of other times, turns out). Now, the mouth-breathing dinosaur-minded morons who support him are staging a protest at Chick…
Tragedy. McDonald's is stuck with 10 million pounds of delicious, weird, kind of chemically-tasting "Mighty Wings" after yet-another of the fast food giant's attempt to expand from burgers, things that sort of look like burgers and fries totally failed.
Real talk: Cinnabon, that foodcourt-born purveyor of tire-sized cinnamon rolls drizzled with semen milked piping hot from the royal penis of King Kandy himself, tried and failed recently to make its Classic Roll less of a pancreatic catastrophe. Even people who really didn’t go all-in for the 880-calorie baked…
In an effort to suit "contemporary tastes," McDonald's has announced that it's adding fruits and vegetables to its menu, which customers can choose in lieu of fries when ordering a value meal.
Taco Bell, we need to talk.
Giving new meaning to the Happy Meal (HAR), a 58-year-old New Mexico man was arrested last week after he paid a sex worker in food from McDonalds. Sorry, all I can think of is Wendy on Breaking Bad.
Gooooooooo America! Some countries might be all, "Pooh pooh, I dew nut allow my cheezbeurgueur quotient to rise abeuve 5% beceuze I am tew beezay eating verrrry small miniateure cheeckens and plump oleeves straight frem de vine!" (That's my "other country" accent. I'm really good at it.) But America is like, "Oh,…