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Don Mattingly Will Protect The Cowardly Jose Ureña From Comeuppance Don Mattingly Will Protect The Cowardly Jose Ureña From Comeuppance

Marlins pitcher Jose Ureña was suspended six games by Major League Baseball for his bush-league plunking of Ronald Acuña Jr., to break up Acuña’s three-game streak of leadoff dingers. As should be expected whenever a player is suspended, Ureña has appealed the punishment, which means he is eligible to pitch for the…

MLB Network Falls For Joke Report That Trevor Bauer Is Treating Himself For "CIA Nanites" MLB Network Falls For Joke Report That Trevor Bauer Is Treating Himself For "CIA Nanites"

It’s possible to believe a lot of whacky stories about Trevor Bauer, who is both a big old dummy and also a too-online crank who once wanted to use a soldering iron to cauterize a finger wound. A report that Bauer wants to use alternative methods to treat the stress fracture in his right fibula would surprise exactly…

Athletic Writer Throws Fit Over Rhode Island Not Giving Into Stadium Financing Scheme Athletic Writer Throws Fit Over Rhode Island Not Giving Into Stadium Financing Scheme

A hot new sports media startup may not be the place you’d expect to find a braindead take lifted straight from a dead-tree columnist’s 1996 notebook, but then you remember that The Athletic, in its quest to destroy all print sports sections, did hire plenty of middle-aged white guys. One of those guys is Joe McDonald,…

This Triple Play Confused The Hell Out Of Everyone Involved This Triple Play Confused The Hell Out Of Everyone Involved

Triple plays are always cool, but the best instances are the ones that leave everyone—fielders, runners, fans, broadcasters—kind of confused about what exactly just happened. Last night’s Angels-Rangers game gave us one of those.

Minnesota Steakhouse Pranks Umpire Joe West With Braille Menu Minnesota Steakhouse Pranks Umpire Joe West With Braille Menu

Joe West has been an umpire for 42 years, long enough to have seen pretty much damn near everything there is to see in the sport. Six World Series, nine League Championship Series, eight League Division Series, and three All-Star Games will do that to you. Bet he’s never been owned by a restaurant, though.

The Mets Made The Phillies Look Like The Mets The Mets Made The Phillies Look Like The Mets

The New York Mets are the greatest baseball team of the past two days. Following up on a 16-5 drubbing of the Orioles on Wednesday night, one of the biggest laughingstocks in baseball took down the Phillies this afternoon by a staggeringly competent score of 24-4. Those 24 runs today are a Mets franchise record.

Two Insufferable Teams Combine Forces For One Really Big Piece Of Shit Two Insufferable Teams Combine Forces For One Really Big Piece Of Shit

Notre Dame football will play at Yankee Stadium in November, so to commemorate what will surely be a memorable game against Syracuse, the Fighting Irish will wear these pinstriped uniforms. The price is quite steep at $95, but anyone who’d buy one would be doing so drunk anyway.

Oh, Good, Now The Sports Media Is Slurping Up Elon Musk's Bullshit Oh, Good, Now The Sports Media Is Slurping Up Elon Musk's Bullshit

Go to any sports website today and you are likely to see a headline about Tesla founder Elon Musk’s brilliant new plan to alleviate traffic before and after Los Angeles Dodgers games. ESPN: “Elon Musk’s tunnel company aims to reduce Dodger Stadium traffic with ‘Dugout Loop.’” Sports Illustrated: “Elon Musk Proposes…

Jose Ureña Played Dumb And Defiant After Plunking Ronald Acuña Jose Ureña Played Dumb And Defiant After Plunking Ronald Acuña

Pretty much the entire baseball world (except for Keith Hernandez) united against Marlins pitcher Jose Ureña after he knocked red-hot Braves starlet Ronald Acuña out of the game with a first-pitch heater to the elbow. Braves first baseman Freddie Freeman called Ureña “gutless.” Even his own manager wouldn’t come to…

The Giants-Dodgers Brawl, From Andrew McCutchen's Perspective The Giants-Dodgers Brawl, From Andrew McCutchen's Perspective

Yasiel Puig and the Giants brawled again on Tuesday. This time, it wasn’t Madison Bumgarner, but Nick Hundley who took offense to an unconscionably insignificant Puig “transgression.” Yasiel yelled “fuck” after fouling off a ball:

Keith Hernandez Has Some Takes On Jose Ureña Beaning Red Hot Ronald Acuña Keith Hernandez Has Some Takes On Jose Ureña Beaning Red Hot Ronald Acuña

The Braves’ Ronald Acuña Jr. has been raking as of late, hitting .471/.514/1.235 (!) over his last eight games, with eight homers over that time frame. He’s also led off with a homer in each of his last three games against the Marlins. In some players’ Weird Baseball Logic, that means, accordingly, Acuña deserves to…

Cowardly Jose Ureña Beans Ronald Acuña To Avoid Another Lead-Off Dinger Cowardly Jose Ureña Beans Ronald Acuña To Avoid Another Lead-Off Dinger

20-year-old Braves slugger Ronald Acuña Jr. is molten hot right now, blasting eight homers in his last eight games and lead-off dongs in each of his last three. If you’re Marlins starter Jose Ureña, facing the Braves tonight, you can either take Acuña’s recent success as an exciting challenge to your own skills, or…

Even This Derek Jeter Puff Piece Can't Figure Out His Plan For The Marlins Even This Derek Jeter Puff Piece Can't Figure Out His Plan For The Marlins

Miami Marlins CEO Derek Jeter apparently feels he can show his face in public again, opening up to Jerry Crasnick for an ESPN feature on the future of the team, and boy, was the author willing to make him comfortable.

Yasiel Puig Is Fighting The Giants Again Yasiel Puig Is Fighting The Giants Again

That fan to the right of the top photo? That’s basically me every time a baseball fight breaks out. “Oh! A fight!”

It Is Unconscionable How Hot Ronald Acuña Is Right Now It Is Unconscionable How Hot Ronald Acuña Is Right Now

“He’s the best leadoff hitter I’ve ever seen,” Braves teammate Ender Inciarte said of Ronald Acuña Jr. “He’s the best player I’ve ever seen.” Gushing praise, from a teammate, sure, but counterweigh that bias with the fact that Acuña is still just 20 years old. And at least over the last week, it has been absolutely…

Man Bites It

So this happened tonight, on FOX Sports South. Watch it endlessly, for it will never stop being hilarious.

Ben Zobrist Is Still Very Much Looking Forward To Robot Umpires Ben Zobrist Is Still Very Much Looking Forward To Robot Umpires

Ben Zobrist was ejected in the ninth inning of the Cubs’ 7–0 home loss to the Brewers Tuesday, for arguing (what else) balls and strikes with home plate umpire Phil Cuzzi. The beef went back a few innings, to when Zobrist took a called third strike in the sixth, and reacted angrily. Zobrist survived the initial…

Nick Markakis? Really? Huh, That's Weird. Nick Markakis? Really? Huh, That's Weird.

Braves outfielder Nick Markakis has built himself a solid, respectable baseball career—one better than 99 percent of guys who ever pick up the ol’ ball and stick. A .290 career hitter with a wRC+ of 111 in 12-and-three-quarters seasons with Baltimore and now Atlanta, Markakis has never been especially spectacular—save…

The Braves Are Co-Hosting A Fundraiser For Xenophobic Gubernatorial Candidate Brian Kemp The Braves Are Co-Hosting A Fundraiser For Xenophobic Gubernatorial Candidate Brian Kemp

The Atlanta Braves are among the hosts of an upcoming fundraiser for Republican gubernatorial candidate Brian Kemp, shelling out $13,200 to do so. The team’s name is prominently displayed on the event’s invitation:

Where Are All The A's Fans? Where Are All The A's Fans?

The Oakland A’s are good, and they are hot, and they are young, and this week they have the opportunity to make a statement. Three games against the Mariners, whom they lead by 2.5 games for the second wild card spot, and then three games against the Astros, whom they trail by 2 games for the division. “The next…

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